Sigh [06 Oct 2008|05:02am] ryhin I find myself staring at your pictures at night. I want to reach out and feel your skin. Breathe in your smell and savor it. Close my eyes and just know that when i open them, you will be there. This is not a 'crush'. This is obsession. This is unhealthy infatuation. I want to live in your skin. I want to swim in your blood and sleep in your lungs, and every time you breathe, I will be there. Is that not what Love is? In its purest of forms. Just an uncontrollable fixation. I want to hurt you, just to hear you squeal. Just to know you can feel me there. I want my presence to be known forever. I want to hold onto you and feel your radiance. The radiance i have anticipated and witnessed over these tedious years. The radiance a warm bed might give off to a ravaged refugee. The radiance a den might leave for a mother bear. The radiance of an Angel. Oh the lightheartedness I feel when I recieve word from you. Seeing your occassional mispellings. Imagining how your finger might have slipped on that keystroke. Imagining myself there to witness it. Maybe I would have pointed it out, if only I could find myself, had I not been lost in your beauty. The way a painter admires a work of art. Except this is merely a 3rd grade art student, looking into the eyes of The Mona Lisa. While all of this emotion is at work, I also feel immense hate. I hate the way you look at other guys (figurative). I can see that smirk. The grin of a harlot. My harlot. I hate your desire for love. Not my love. The love of someone who cannot possibly appreciate you like I do. Not any other man can hold a candle to my feelings for you. They dont deserve you. No one does. I hate witnessing your losses. The feeling of a lost companion is one you have become familiar with. Personally, I have never left this void within you. Nor will I ever. True love is true. I can't see where you stand. The picture is blurry. Sometimes the screen comes into focus, and you seem to stand just at arms length, waiting to be embraced. Other times the film fades out, and you are standing at the top of a mountain, overlooking all I have to give. Its become a game, that I have become fairly good at. I hear hints in your words. A soft adjective. A hard verb. Love. I Love you Ryan. Need I respond? She knows where i stand. I am sitting on a broken love seat. Watching my favorite television station fade in and out of focus. post comment

Just a simple post [05 Oct 2008|04:51am] ryhin I've been a blank slate lately. Nothing worth noting over the past two days. I've realized the transparency of some people. You really think you know them, but it was all a show. People let fear control them. Or maybe its an overbearing situation. They do not want things to be out of there control so they avoid things that might not be risky. People are flawed. Notice your flaws. Acknowledge them. Knowledge is power. Just being aware allows for adjustment. post comment

Why we keep going [03 Oct 2008|02:38am] ryhin Faith is the sole component in our lives. We only do what we do because we have faith that it wont go unanswered. A lot of the trials we go through do not have solid reasoning. We never know the exact truth to everything. But do we give up? That's not an option. We take risks. We have faith. If you have faith, you can believe in what you do. Why do I keep going? Faith. I look forward to my inevitable wedding day. I look forward to kissing my newborn child on the forehead. I look forward to mowing my lawn every Sunday morning. I'm anticipating stability. I know that one day my prayers will be answered. With this all being said, I believe it is safe to presume that everything will be just fine. We can stop worrying. Life will play itself out just like it was meant to. If you lose someone in your life, do not fear, for it was meant to be. At that point you can only be thankful for the time you spent with them. But some day you will be lying in your death bed. At this point you can be thankful for everything God has given you. Because it is true. People have loved you. And the ones that have truly loved you will be there on that final day with you. Side by side. Forever and ever. post comment

Finished a book [02 Oct 2008|03:38am] ryhin The book was about love. and it did not fail. If there is one thing i can learn from this book, its that not even the most radical of events cant knock love off its balance. True love is true. Not even the uneasiest of trues can be false. Wind always blows towards you, never away. Ive also learned that true love involves immense faith. and that true love can be one dimensional. It does not take two to tango. Love is an eternal faith. A never ending day dream of falsehoods. When you are truly in love, nothing ever happens how you want it to happen. But you always hope for exactly what you want. You do not love because of occurrences. you love because of admiration of self conviction. you love who they ARE, not who they strive to be. In this sense, it is safe to say that true love does not wane. Its always as strong as it will ever be. We cannot live without faith. post comment

[30 Sep 2008|06:57pm] ryhin Apprehension disallows the now to be colorful. post comment

Emotion [30 Sep 2008|03:25am] ryhin When you read this entry, please proceed as if you were in my position. A lost 19 year old boy on the brink of adulthood. Maybe its too late for that. I might as well be an adult, save for experience. If I must trudge through this emotional twilight annually, why is it condemnable to have the desire to seek unequivocal compensation. Am I so alone? Does this world not bare witness to this atrocity? Why so banishable?  In turn we expect pure and utter compliance. We mention cliches like "time to be a man", which I have no transgressions towards, I only oppose the blind wit by which the prosecutor applies this accusation. Don't mistake me for an anarchist in the moral sense, I only wish for more ordinance among young adults. The process is too irreversible. The practices of the adolescent is denounced by the same people who promote it. Love. For all of its treacheries it had not been more pleasurable to endure. I'm still amongst the fools legion. Naive at best. Ive named names. They know where I stand. A broad assumption. For the love has not been embraced. Its thereness imbues us with eternal hope. An unending dream of linear possibilities. Passion favors the ridiculous. I fear to lose before it is mine to lose. The true measure of a man is the degree to which he has managed to subjugate his ego The embodiment of this post is not expression, more-so release. post comment

sleep [29 Sep 2008|01:20am] ryhin i was doing good for awhile. a good month where i slept on a good schedule. slept at night. was up at about 7am. and stood up till about 11pm. but its all really gone down hill. eh. its fun sleeping in when i know all my friends are in school haha. ill savor this for awhile. but ill grow out of it soon. post comment

[27 Sep 2008|09:38pm] foundmyplace http://liveyourdemise.wordpress.com 2 comments|post comment

[25 Sep 2008|02:29am] ____danger____ if tiger's a princess then lions a king the mountains are shoulders of impossibly large beings when you finish night school under your bed learning bout monsters who live in the back of your head don't keep us waiting we're hungry for two you'll have no recollection of what has been done to you but you'll wake with nightmares the nausea of death a life briefly waning the length of a warm winter's breath post comment

[24 Sep 2008|08:08pm] ryhin fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life post comment

Dwelling [23 Sep 2008|01:43pm] ryhin On the negative post comment

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